It has always been a dream of mine to plan my own wedding. I don't know if everyone understands this but traditional Malay weddings are almost never planned by the bride. I realise that no bride should be stressed out by the time the wedding date rolls by but wouldn't it be nice to pretty things up the way she wants to?
So far, I've been trawling the Internet for ideas.
Style Me Pretty is a wedding blog by Abby Larson that highlights gorgeous weddings, ethereal photography as well as some DIY projects. I've always wanted to be a hands-on, crafty kind of girl but I tend to procrastinate a lot so it takes me forever to complete a craft project (re:
Cubist Asymmetrical Cardigan by Megan Granholm - 98% completed after 1 year and a bit) but my wedding will have lots of lovingly hand-made goodies for all in attendance.
So, I decided I'd plan my wedding now, slowly so as not to stress myself out when the time does come. HB and I have already discussed marriage for a while now but neither of us are quite equipped (financially) to set up a household yet so why not plan for something that will happen eventually, right? Advantage: Malay weddings are easier to plan for because the girl's side and the boy's side are done separately. :)
STEP 1: Merisik
Traditionally, only close family members should be in attendance and a family spokesperson for each side. I have decided that my grandparents, my parents, their siblings and respective spouses, my siblings and the spokesperson and his spouse will be there from my side. No cousins, no photographers, no big announcement. It's not meant to be a huge thing. It's just a discusssion between two families on how and when their children are to wed. Luckily, my mother agrees with me on keeping it small. I hate fussy events especially when they aren't meant to be fussy.
I will probably just wear a normal baju kurung and a shawl draped loosely over my head and be relatively make-up free except for powder, blusher and lip balm. I just need to be around for them to put the ring on my finger anyway. He doesn't even need to be in attendance, just his family and spokesperson.
STEP 2: Meminang and Pertunangan
Again, there will not be anyone outside the family invited as this is meant to be a small affair. Although many people nowadays make a grand old event out of an engagement, I don't think it appropriate as so many things could happen between the engagement and the wedding so, the more discreet the event the better. No official photographers or "photo shoots", no future groom present. This time, however, all adult cousins will be allowed to attend. Hurray!
HB and I discussed possible
hantaran ideas and agreed that all items given should be used in preparation for the wedding and married life. No exchanging iPhones (material, unnecessary) or tacky cakes ("Me 4 U"). We were thinking we might give each other things like some fabric to make the wedding outfit plus the
songkok and
kain songket, some toiletries to spruce ourselves up with and as per tradition, some fruits, a simple cake and potpourri. I was also thinking that we could exchange the al-Quran and I could give him a prayer mat too. These are all just preliminary plans, of course... always flexible. :)
I probably won't spend too much on an outfit for it. Just dress it up a bit with some beading and a new shawl. No point in trying to look fabulous or glamorous for an engagement if you're trying to look demure at the same time. One exception though; the ring has to be
uber-fabulous. No concessions there... lol!
That's as far as I've gotten. As you can probably tell, I like everything to be quite simple and non-extravagant. I find that the "me, me, me" attitude doesn't quite work when planning events like this. You'd probably suffer more than you should be enjoying. I will post my
nikah ideas later when I've actually thought about it. Till then, toodles!
