Malay Weddings - Part 2

Following up on my previous post, this section will explain the engagement ceremony (pertunangan), the solemnisation ceremony (akad nikah) and the wedding reception (Walimatul urus).

Pertunangan (Engagement)

The engagement ceremony is usually done right after the meminang and involves both parties exchanging gifts. Gifts are given in odd numbers and the lady's side usually gives more than the gentleman's side. From the gentleman, the lady will usually receive a tepak sirih, the engagement ring, a set of clothes or sufficient material to make a set for the wedding, a cake, some fruits and sweets. The lady will reply with a sirih junjung, clothing or material for him, songket, a songkok, a cake, fruits, sweets and potpourri. Other things people may give each other include shoes, jewelry and a shawl for the lady. Usually, if the bride-to-be's elder sister is yet to be married, she will also receive a gift from the groom-to-be. In addition to that, the wang hantaran, which is not compulsory but is a tradition of the Malays, is also given during the ceremony. This is the money which will be used for the wedding preparations by the future bride's family.

Akad nikah (Solemnisation ceremony)

This part of the wedding is purely religious. Without this part of the wedding, the gentleman and the lady will not be considered to be married in the eyes of God. The solemnisation happens after the groom has given the bride her gifts, her dowry and the wang hantaran, all of which are mutually agreed upon by both parties. The bride's wali (guardian, usually her father or another close male relative on her father's side) will formally give his daughter away and the groom will accept without interruptions from other parties. The formal witnesses present with then accept the vows from both sides. Once that is done, the groom will invalidate his wudhu' (partial ablutions) by placing the wedding ring on her finger thus making physical contact. This is usually a photo opportunity and more often than not, the groom has to hold the pose of kissing his bride's forehead until the lightbulb flashes subside. The bride and groom will then perform a prayer thanking the Almighty for His blessings.

Walimatul urus (Wedding reception)

This part of the ceremony is usually an announcement of the marriage between a lady and her gentleman. Friends and relatives bless the bridal couple on the wedding dais (pelamin) in a ceremony called menepung tawar by sprinkling rose water, flowers, popped corn and betel on the couple. After that, the family matriarch is then called upon to baling ambor-ambor, the throwing of sweets or small change for the benefit of the young (and young-at-heart) attendees of the reception. The bridal couple then adjourn to the banquet table to eat with their friends and family.